I cannot believe the response I received from my first blog! I have had loads of people contact me sharing their stories and their tips and tricks to make it through the day! Knowing there’s people out there in a similar postion makes me feel far less alone and having people to talk to for help and advice is incredible. I cannot thank you all enough!
Making plans is tough when your in constant pain. I was always the one in our friendship group organising the nights out and the day trips and I would spend every day off seeing friends and family. This has almost come to a halt. I now find I’m the person who says their busy when plans are made or backing out at the last minuet. This is because my back hurts or my pills are making me drowsy. After spending a whole day at work grinning and bearing and pretending to be fine the last thing I want to do is go out for the evening and try to convince all my friends I’m fine too. It is so much easier so just go home after work and wallow in self pity. I find making plans really difficult. If it was a case of I had twisted my ankle I would know that a plan to go to the zoo in two weeks time would be fine as my ankle would be better by then. However with back pain I don’t know if on that day in two weeks time am I going to be having a good pain day or a bad pain day so its easier not to make plans at all! I’ve found I’m not getting out and having fun half as much as I used to. In fact I have pretty much become a recluse. Going to work, come home and repeating that process everyday. Why? Because this way I only have to hide my pain while I’m at work, I don’t have to try and hide it when I’m outside of work to!
Thursday night however I did go out. It was a friend from works leaving do. I had a good night and laughed more than I have done in a while. But not being able to have a drink sucked. While I’ve never been a big drinker I have always enjoyed a few beers when out with friends. Having to sit there all night sober and drowsy due to my pills was just miserable. Don’t get me wrong I enjoyed my night out but found myself shedding a few tears on the walk home as I realised my days of dancing the night away until 3am are well and truly over!
This week I’m also struggling with the drowsiness caused by tablets. I have always prided myself in my work ethic (something that was drummed into me from a young age) and have always had a very get up and go personality. I have never been lazy and I detest laziness. These pills however are making me so drowsy they have destroyed all my motivation to do anything! I have found I have had to drag myself to work and I have even struggled with the motivation to take the dogs for a walk! I love getting out and about so not having the motivation is very rare for me! Doing the house work seems like a herculean task at the moment! This is really getting me down. I’m finding myself sitting around not achieving anything on a day off and then kicking myself for it at the end of the day. In order for me to stay happy I need to stay active, but my get up and go has got up and gone.
I still haven’t got the hang of timing when to take my pills either! Take them to early and I pass out by 9. Take them to late and I’m drowsy at work the next day. All in all this week I have been a permanently exhausted pigeon. To make matters even worse these pills are doing sweet f*** all for my back pain. I’m still in agony. Why take them then? Because if I don’t finish the course the doctor will prescribe them again saying I haven’t given them enough time ect ect. Very frustrating!